Fall to Pieces
by iluvjames7
Summary: Short songfic about Hermione coping with her love for her best friend...please R&R!


**DISCLAIMER: I DO NOT own anything in this story that is recognizable—characters, references to plot in the Harry Potter books, and the lyrics from Avril Lavigne's song, "Fall to Pieces."**

Fall To Pieces

_I looked away_

_Then I looked back at you_

Again. I caught myself staring at him again. And while I really knew I should be working on my essay, I couldn't reprimand myself because by now I'm well aware that I just can't help it. Looking at Ron has become the number one time consuming activity in my life. I noticed him look over from where he was sitting with Harry back to me, so I quickly turned my head and pretended to be staring at something on the Gryffindor bulletin board. Out of the corner of my eyes, however I noticed Ron had once again become absorbed in his conversation. I took the opportunity to continue my staring.

He really is just perfect. Those freckles, sprinkled in the most perfect pattern across his cheeks and nose, below his intense blue eyes that, whenever were set upon you, made you feel like the most special person in the world. And of course, I could never get sick of his hair—trademark Weasley red, yes, but also falling messily and exactly into place in a way that belongs to Ron, and only Ron. But then I can see inside him too. I feel sometimes like I'm looking at an x-ray of sorts, and underneath his skin there is just this full body of warmth. Of laughter and loyalty, courage and kindness.

_If I had my way _

_I'd never get over you _

_Today is the day _

_I pray that we make it through _

_Make it through the fall _

_Make it through it all_

I know that Ron can never love me the way I love him—yes, love. If only I could continue loving him forever, not feeling obliged to hold back or pretend my feelings don't exist. I don't want to have to "move on." Every day, I hope that this will be the day that he tells me what I want to hear, the words my ears ache to listen to. That it will be the day we make it through the barrier separating friends and couples.

_And I don't want to fall to pieces _

_I just want to sit and stare at you _

After my dream of us being together, my other fantasy would be just to be able to continue being best friends with him. And we are...by definition. But it's not the same as it used to be. Since I've found my feelings for him, I've found it nearly impossible just to carry on a normal conversation—I either blush furiously until someone asks me if I need to see the nurse, fight with him, or break down and cry afterwards because of how stupid I was acting in his presence.

_I don't want to talk about it _

_And I don't want a conversation _

_I just want to cry in front of you _

_I don't want to talk about it _

_'Cause I'm in love with you _

I don't want to keep having idle conversations with him. Talking about school, homework, friends. Whether we should study first and then visit Hagrid, or vice versa. It always feels like these chats are fake. I don't want to have to talk, concealing all the emotions inside of me. Not just emotions about him, either, but also all the tension and stress and worry and homesickness. I want to be able to cry in front of him, admit that I spend sleepless nights fretting about the war, and what could happen to my parents, and what everyone might think of me if I didn't get the best grades in everything, all the time. But I can't have Ron thinking I'm weak! He wouldn't still think I'm worthy to be his best friend, nevertheless girlfriend, if he knew how insecure and silly I am.

If only I could stop falling. Stop falling to a thousand pieces when I think of him. Stop falling so hard for the guy who is so incredibly oblivious. But I don't think I can do these things—I'm not capable. So I suppose all I can do is wait. Maybe something will happen, maybe it won't. But waiting is all I can do, and I'm prepared to do it, because...well, because I'm in love with him.

A/N: what do you think? My first official songfic...please review!


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